During October I Will.....


Friday, 11 June 2010

The Only Sort Of Perfection There Is

Please spare some time and take a look at this blog post by Stephanie and the link contained within.
I read this and was, for once, quiet quite speechless.  Stephanie just described me!
Both Stephanie and Kelly agree that scrapping is a happy thing.  We feel pressurised to put a happy pretty front for all to see.  but are our lives really like what our blogs portray?
I will admit I do look at others blogs and think 'your life is perfect and mine quite frankly is anything but'. There are so so many women with blogs that I read who are sahm and in happy relationships.  I am struggling to think of blogs that I read who have children the same age as mine, are single and work.  All I see if other women sending little ones off to school and then their days are spent wrapped up in loveliness - they craft, bake and create homes, such wonderful, beautiful homes for their families to return to each evening.
In comparison, I work (what appears to be a rare thing in the crafting world if you have Primary School aged children or younger), I'm single (I have no supporting/understanding s/o), the house is chaos and I mean utter chaos.
Reading these other blogs makes me feel so inadequate in comparison.
But when I sit here and think about it, I have 2 beautiful children, I own my own home, all mine, I have my own money, I don't have to ask for money to buy anything, hell I don't even have to justify my spending habits.  In fact I don't have to justify anything to anyone apart from my heart and those of my children.  They are feed, they have a roof over their heads.  
We are happy as happy can be, just the little 3 of us.
So why do I compare myself to others? Please, someone explain to me.
There may be mess, I may iron our clothes for that day every morning and never ever reach the bottom of the ironing basket.  In fact I never find the bottom of the washing basket either!  But who cares?  Who sees this disorganisation?  If people are invited into our home and don't like what they see, they know where the door is, why do I want to spend my precious time and energy on those who judge me.  
The people I care about know me, they know my children and they know all we have been through.  If they don't understand or for that matter don't like what they see, why are they in our lives?
I therefore conclude with this:
My washing basket is never empty.
May ironing basket is never empty.
Do we make our beds, no, not often.
We quite often don't unload the dishwasher, just get the plates straight from it and use
We have cobwebs, not one, but lots
I always scrap the happy things, but I am going to change this
I may cross 6 things off my to do today list each night but you can be certain I have added at least another 10 to the list.
I have never scrapped about me, just because I find it so hard to put my feelings down on paper, even happy ones (having said that, read this post!  At this present moment, not sure if I will actually press the publish post button)
The father of my children never phones, has no contact with them.  In fact he gave up his job in order not to provide for them financially.
My Children are heart broken their Father does not call.  
I find it so hard trying to explain why their father does not call.
I am appalled he gave up his job just so he does not have to provide for his children.
I do not want nor do we need his money, but this is not the point.
I do not understand, nor believe I ever will understand, how he can just walk away from his children.  
I so want to tell my children what their father is really like, but deep down I know I must let them make up their own minds.  I struggle with this on a daily basis.
I find it incredibly hard juggling everything on my own.
I blame myself entirely about what has happened over the past few years
I love my children

Am I going to paint a pretty picture of my life?  Hell no.  Its my life and no its not pretty and if people don't like that fact, don't be a part of my life and don't read this blog.
But my life is perfect, the only sort of perfection there is.



Good evening Candace, have enjoyed reading your post hunny. I am sorry you've had a rough time I can really feel for you. Things have been hard this end too till recently. You may have seen im opening my own little craft store tomorrow. It came about very quickly infact only even thought of it 3 weeks ago, can not believe im actually doing it. Someone will wake me up any minute! Your post was soooo touching, family is the most important thing, way above money. Unfortunately we dont always remember that. Regarding the punch hunny its a Martha Stewart leaf punch. If you want one I can find out a price for you email me if you do. Email is on my profile. You keep your chin up, you've done the right thing by reducing your hours, enjoy your children, hugs Linda x

Anonymous said...

hi candace, i've literally stumbled across your blog in a weird way (I don't blog-hop and came across your blog in a very roundabout way). What I wanted to say though is that I have learned over the years is that very rarely do people really have those perfect lives which make me feel inadequate/wistful/jealous/shortchanged. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. And you never know who's looking at you thinking the same. I for one am in awe of you as a single mum who works. Will now go read some more!!! x

Bee said...

you know what Candace you are a mum in a million and if I had to pick who I wanted for a mum I'd go for someone just like you. So stand tall my friend because you have a hell of a lot to be proud of. Don't worry about all the nit picking little things just keep doing what you are doing and take care of yourself and your kids. I take my hat off to you. Go girl go!!!


Deb Hickman said...

Hi Candace,I've just found your blog through Libby's blog.
I'm sorry you've had a rough few years but you seem to have the right attitude towards life and as Libby says nobody has a perfect life no matter what they'd like you to believe.
I really admire you for been able to work and support your kids without any help and as you say you haven't got to answer to anybody else.
Hope to see you at the crop and I've got some goodies for you.

Rachael said...

Hello Candace,
I don't think you know me I go to the bromsgrove crop but I don't think our paths have crossed yet. I do agree the blogs and scrapping in general do portray 100% happy lives but I can asure you thats not the case. It's just no one wants to say that there life isn't quite as they planned. I'm sorry that your having a rough time. Its great to know that your there for your children. I've been through a terrible 12 months but remain possitive and hopefull for the future. I've learnt that nothing else matters except you and your children. I decided a few weeks ago that i'm going to do a whole scrapbook on the worst time of my life and journal my real feelings. I'm at the next saturday crop, look forward to meeting you. Take care

Darcy said...

Hiya, things are rarely what they seem.my life is far from perfect and not at all how I would like it to be.i had to give up work 5 years ago for health reasons but i am looking to go back now. We have no money, never go out and have not had a foreign holiday in 12 years. There is much that i am deeply unhappy/scared about, it goes in my diary for only me to read. My blog is for craft stuff, i think many are the same, people wanting to create a little happy space away from real life. For you to worry so much shows you are a good person and wonderful Mum. Would you spending hours washing, ironing and baking make your kids happier? Of course not, you being their Mum
makes them whole,without you they would be lost. Take care of yourself, keep breathing,keep smiling, keep loving. When you are looking for perfection, look into the eyes of your children. Xxx


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